July 2010
Clarification...
So, I heart your comments here.
Just like I like them on Facebook.
And star them on Twitter.
But that’s an awful lot of like to give that one comment spread over three media.
You have to tell me where it matters.
So I can thrust the love on it.
Hard and fast.
Okay?
For what it's worth...
Do you realize how few people have seen me naked?
Not even me.
I always wear a blindfold.
Confession
Though I write all the time.
Though I constantly post to Twitter.
Though I write a poem a day.
Though I submit content to clients.
I often lack confidence in my content.
Verses, foiled again...
I write a poem.
Every day.
I probably don’t need to.
Some days, I probably shouldn’t.
Some days, I apologize for them. And mean it.
I like feedback.
Positive. And negative.
And I like it when people request a poem.
I ask for theme, word or phrase.
But what I don’t like?
Is when I do write a poem by request.
And the person says nothing.
That’s not right.
Even...
Facts about cats
They don’t seem to like it when you play Tool’s Prison Sex good and loud.
Sometimes, they open their mouths and say nothing.
They see things we don’t.
Moving air confuses them, especially when it is multi-directional (applies to indoor cats).
Ever aware of the fact that you need to be to work on time, they use vomiting as a form of alarm clock.
They follow you around like...
FYI
I will not be doing Feet Up Friday.
I have ugly feet.
Seriously.
You should thank me.
Or something.
Dammit
Yeah, so…
The treadmill?
I had the original receipt when I took the first one back in February.
I think I gave it to the store.
And now?
Don’t have it.
And the manufacturer knows it.
And it’s between me and the store now, probably.
So, I’m screwed.
Because they don’t have the receipt either.
So, guess who likely won’t be buying from Canadian Tire or...
Treadmill update
The company is going to replace my treadmill.
Now, I have to go to Canadian Tire and give them an authorization number and hope they play nice.
And I have to inveigle Ma & Pa Words Worth to help transport and set it up.
Because no one likes you when you need to acquire and assemble a treadmill.
No one.
A modest proposal for American Idol
I said this on Twitter, but I’d like to expand on it a bit.
With Simon Cowell gone, and Ellen too.
American Idol needs new judges.
Who better a judge than Judge Judy.
No, think of it.
Like Simon, she has a way of crushing the blithe souls of youth everywhere.
I mean, she has withering contempt for them.
She has a highly inflated ego. As inflated as one of those Gorillas you see at...
Weird
I did spec work to land a large client last week.
I’m resisting it to be considered for a position.
Last week, it was single sourced for a major client.
This spec item is a writing test. For a job. Wherein I compete with others for that position.
And I lack the enthusiasm.
I don’t like competing.
I think it’s the Canadian in me.
And I don’t think I can get him out...
FYI
If you make a comment on my posts?
I will respond to them.
In the post.
Thanks to some app I added.
Ta da!
Confession
I have dropped hints on Twitter on many occasions that I’d quit when I reached 100,000 tweets.
I have over 80,000.
I don’t think people take me seriously.
But I think about it.
I mean, what would I have left to say?
I already repeat myself.
A little.
Okay, a lot.
What I realized.
I am the man I could smell like.
And I don’t even know what that means.
Hip check!
Unfollow you, Unfollow me
Actually, this is more of a confession.
An expiation of guilt, if you will.
I unfollowed someone on Twitter on Friday.
I know.
Shame on me.
It’s not the first time.
A few weeks back, I used one of those tools that tells you who you are following that doesn’t follow you?
There were a couple hundred people.
Most of them local.
Most of whom had followed me before.
And so, I...
Big 12"...
So…
Sitting here.
In this chair.
The phone rings…
…and this dope smoking hustler I know of has albums for me to look at.
In my work slump.
Great.
Except, he says that he has boxes of free ones.
‘They may be scuffed, but you might find something you want for a cover or something.’
Sigh.
So, I guess I figured out what I am doing this afternoon.
Going to...
Me & Blaine Parker make the funny. Well, we try... →
Now and then, I give the incredibly talented voice talent @BlaineParker something weird I have written. And then, he does that voiceover thingy that people like him do. And he adds music and sound effects, too.
There are these ads that air on Fox Rochester for a particular lawyer, and I snarked about them once or twice on Twitter because he lacks that fire, that force that most lawyers have in...
This is just to say...
That in honour of Titty Tuesday?
I will leave my shirt on.
All day.
You’re welcome.
Confession
As I was saying…
There are a lot of people on Facebook who are on Twitter.
And today, I log onto Facebook and there are 38 friend requests.
Yep, 38.
Turned out they were all ‘suggestions.’
Which made me panic a little.
See, I have this weird thing:
I don’t usually make overtures to people or presume they are my friends.
Not until they’ve confirmed that first.
...
You know...
There will not come a day when your kids will ask you what formspring was.
Boy, that died a quick death, huh?
I don’t even think it made to spring.
Would that the same would transpire for Foursquare.
At least I know when you’re not home.
I can drop by.
Touch your stuff.
Lick your pillow.
Ahem...
I am following 69 people on Tumblr.
This amuses me to no end.
Heh.
End.
go commercial
So…
Turns out a lot of people on Twitter are on Facebook.
Which means I’ve added friends there.
Which means two places to be original and witty.
And two places where I fail at that.
Inspired by the fact that there are so many people on Facebook, I wrote a jingle for it.
It will take you about as long to read it as it took me to write it.
Ready?
Facebook!
It’s...
WatchPresenting…
InnerTube!
It will blow YouTube out of the water.
Actually, it’s very boring.
You’d be best off to go looking for porn.
That is what you do, right?
Watch
Everybody wants to rule the world.
But Tears for Fears sure let go of it pretty quickly…
Humid
It is so humid that I just want to listen to Deliver the Word by War, or Steely Dan’s Aja all night long. Or Hot Buttered Soul by Isaac Hayes. Or Plays Live by Peter Gabriel.
Which makes me wonder what albums you go to when the heat is on.
Please don’t say Glenn Frey’s The Heat is On…
Pen is...
What’s with all the penis stuff, peeps?
Accidental, occidental…
What about incremental?
Instrumental?
Never mind…
I got the Music in me
One day, in January…
Yes, this is another rambling thing.
If I sedate you, you might hold still.
Yeah, so one day, I was chatting with people on Twitter.
As I often do.
And I said that I look a lot like Don Music.
Which I’ve often said.
Don Music was a Muppet who composed songs.
Usually public domain stuff, like Mary Had a Little Lamb.
And he’d have trouble getting...
You learn something new every day.
So, me & m’lady went to see Priscilla: Queen of the Desert last night.
It was being shown as part of Pride Week.
We have it on DVD.
We hadn’t seen it on the big screen.
And I realized something.
All those Village People songs from my childhood?
They don’t mean what I thought they mean.
And I look better in a dress than Terrence Stamp.
(I have nicer legs).
Tweet...
Me, again.
So, I think all of you know me from Twitter.
And you know I like to riff on things
Like ads.
And once in a while, I ask people for writing projects, or leads.
I call it the PBS pledge break.
In my defence, I’ve not done it more than twice in a day.
So far, today, not at all.
Anywho.
I don’t ask for anything at all there, really.
And some of my ad tweets can be...
Progress
So, my article is nearly done.
I’ll probably have to cut it by 150-200 words.
But it looks and reads well.
Apart from one transition.
Doing these tumblr posts, my tweets, my poems?
They don’t take a lot of effort.
I write instinctively.
But when I write for clients?
I use my whole ass.
Because I want every word, every phrase, every transition to be just right.
I won’t...
Happy XMas in July.
Yeah, I don’t know if this is really the date of Christmas in July.
But I’m celebrating it anyway.
All my #FFs on Twitter?
All include links to XMas music.
Because that’s the kind of heathen I am.
Ta da!